I've been SUPER busy the last week or so. But things will calm down now, hopefully.
Kyle has been in town since.. friday? It's been wonderful to have him around. It's also a heartbreaker for me. I will seriously miss that kid. It will be hard to listen to BTA now. =( I'm trying to right now and it's only making me cry. grr. He's getting good at ruining my favorite music for me! *sigh* We had a ton of fun this weekend. I am so glad he was able to come up. It was nice to see him one last time.
The injections I have been on for about 3 months are no longer working. I found out last week. So I stopped taking them. I also don't take any of my medications any more either, except pain meds to keep the pain in check. I will not go back to dialysis. I won't. I know how stupid and stubborn you may think I'm being. I do. But I can't do it. I can't let that treatment suck my life away again.
This means I will die. And probably sooner than originally expected. I want everyone reading this to know that I really care about them and I would do anything for them. Its something that can be difficult to say to someone face to face, but I'm going to start.
There's an empty feeling in my stomach right now. (and not just because I haven't eaten yet today..) I'm scared of the future. I'm scared of being alone. I'm scared of being forgotten. I'm running out of strength for this race of life.
Kyle, I wish you all the happiness in the world on your new journey. I will miss you, but I will be content in the knowledge that California is where you need to be. I will miss your awesome hugs and our late night walks. I will never forget your laugh or your sexy dance =) Thank you for always finding time to be there for me when I need you. Thank you for teaching me patience and flexibility. *sigh* You will be sorely missed.
I already cannot wait until October. crap.
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