So lately I've been REALLY thinking about making a big move. I want out of Kansas. I want a big change. I want to wake up to something new. I want to forget how sick I am. I want to have a new job in a new city and make some new friends. I want to be able to say that there was a portion (however small) of my life that I wasn't a resident of Kansas.

Most of you should understand at least a portion of that. I REALLY want that.

I have been advised by some close friends that it would be a bad idea for me to do that. I love them both very much. They have some very good points. Like that moving would be like running away from my problems... and unsuccessful. Or that I would be leaving behind everyone I love and that loves me... and that's selfish of me. I agree with both of those points.

Lately I have felt very sick. I'm always tired, there's been an increase in pain, and I always feel like I'm going to throw up. Getting up in the morning is getting difficult. All I have to get me out of the house is work and whatever Zack and Liz want to do. I have myself convinced that if I move away that I will be able to forget about all of this pain and such. It's a nice fantasy...

maybe one day it will come true.

As for everyday things, my hot water knob in the bathroom is broken! No hot water for showers until I can get it fixed.... hmm. Also, I have the next two days off from work. I plan on baking my brains out for the boys!! I have a TON of new recipes to try.

I went shopping for a dress to wear at Holly's wedding today. I actually found one that I really like. It's tea length, strapless, and lime green = ) (big suprise..huh?) The only thing that kept me from buying it was that I would love to find a dress that was backless and showed my phoenix tattoo. I'm going to look next week when I go to KC to take Liz and her papa to the airport. Oh, another random fact!! The dress I tried on was a 9!!! SINGLE DIGITS!!! =)) oh baby. I know I'm not losing weight for the best reasons, but I'm getting smaller. That's always a boost of the self confidence.

I'm ready for another tattoo. I don't want to start my leaves or the dragon, that's too much work to get done. I may want to get flames put in the negative space of my phoenix, but I'm not sure yet. If I get them, they will always be there, so I want to make sure that I REALLY want them before getting them... I'm just not sure that it needs the flames yet. We'll see. I have a couple of good tattoos picked out if Kyle or Zack decide to get one. Placement will be tricky, but I'm gonna keep thinking about it. I've even been browsing tat magazines to try and find a place to put them that I just love.... Maybe I'll get a tattoo in California... hmm =D

Work is going slow, too slow actually. I am worried about not having enough money for all my plans in October. That means penny pinching until then = ( BORING. oh well.

I like nights. This is going to sound pathetic.. but I love the serenity. I love that the city nearly stops and that my dogs all sleep =) I love that my house gets quiet and I can just relax and forget some of my problems. I love that I can watch whatever random crap is on the DVR without someone looking at me funny. I love that I can be in PJs and it's not weird (cause I wear them ALL THE TIME. I only put on real clothes when i'm guarenteed to leave the house). It when I settle in and can tlak to Holly and Kyle. I love it. I love nights. Even when I feel like crap... something about it being dark out makes me feel better. =)